I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There r osticjed everywhere
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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