and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
