So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
