She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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