three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
