Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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