he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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