i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
