I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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