Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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