dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
