She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize