I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
