Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
