be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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