I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Im part way to drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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