During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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