That's when you crack a 10am beer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
