Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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