A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
