I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
