I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
