he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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