I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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