I wish I could punch you in the face.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
