Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
