Plan B is the new Plan A
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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