put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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