But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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