We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
