I'm going to jail i love you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
