you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize