Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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