I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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