Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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