hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
