I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize