What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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