living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
