we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
