It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
