Plan B is the new Plan A
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need a beard to bite.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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