I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
