did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
