Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
