I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
