I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
