Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
