singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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