eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
