how hairy? two words: wookie tits
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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