i permit you to call me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
