I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
are you so shy because you have an std?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
