I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
