In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
