Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize