i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize