I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
