Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
