dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
