Moan for me like Helen Keller
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
