My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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